A New Start to the End
I used to struggle; I think I used to live. My body has been beating me down and I– weak woman– have succumbed to its blows. I’ve stopped fighting. What a stunted heart!
We watched Alice in Wonderland yesterday, and the Mad Hatter caught me by surprise. He said to the identity-crisised Alice, “You used to be much more . . . muchier. You’ve lost your muchness.” I know that word! It’s the word without a word, and like Alice, I’ve lost it too. I don’t feel much like myself anymore.
Today is the first symptom free day I’ve had in weeks. I’m tired, but clear-headed and thankful. A day like this helps me remember who I am and what I dream to live for. I want to love Yahweh my God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my muchness.
But I’ve been a whore to plenty other dreams and I’ve more often sinned the sin of the dreamless. Lord have mercy, on this Resurrection Day: bring me, too, to life with you.
